Today, while I was rushing to beat deadlines and trying to arrange the day, I heard my phone's not so pleasant message alarm. I had an inclination that it was you. I tried suppressing the feeling of elation that was slowly building inside me. I dont know why I am feeling this way? I mean its just a text message and there's nothing much in it but just few words of "His" and Hellos" or sometimes corny greetings and forwarded quotes. But theres no room for that today. I dont have time to spare today and after what we've been through the this week, I have promised myself not to be affected by you anymore, least not to let you know that you still occupy the biggest part of me.
I tried not to be affected by it. I am in the middle of a conundrum. Three deadlines and three meetings to attend to today aside from the regular bits and pieces of this very demanding job. I need to go on top of all of these and finish them with quality and in time as I always do.
"Not now, I'm busy... maybe tonight". So my answer goes.
Its very hard to admit that despite of all the rough times that I had with you, I will never cease loving you, wanting you. If I am doing this, it doesn't mean I love you less. I am only doing this for myself. I am only doing this for myself...
I don't want you to feel that my life is centered on you, even if the truth is, it does. I dont want you to know that my day will never be complete without thinking of you, even if I do. The truth is, you're an integral part of my life and it will never be the same again if I'll completely lose you... but until when I can have control over these things... until when?
These past few days have been very horrible for me. How I miss your voice and your out of sync reasons. Your unpretending laughters and grunts in between. All af these just make me realize, how much I am missing you...Not now, not today but tonight, I'll call you...
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