All About Miss Universe 2010 (PART 1)

This a a very late post but this is  not a full - fledge gay blog if it doesn't include an entry about beauty pageant. I am talking about the just concluded Miss Universe pageant to be specific. Millions of Filipinos around the world patiently waited for the live broadcast of the event from Mandalay Bay Resort. Here in the Middle East it was aired early morning and many of us sacrificed our much valued one more hour of sleep just to catch the live broadcast.

I woke up at 4:30 am and turned on my computer and logged into http://www.pinoy-ako.info/ to catch an early morning broadcast but was disappointed to find out that the pageant will not start until "Today with KC" is over so I searched the net for a live streaming and jumped in joy when after twenty something site I found one which was working. I contented watching the pageant in a spanish channel since it started 30 minutes ahead of the TFC broadcast.

The show started with the National Costume parade, and there amidst the sea of stunningly beautiful women, Miss Philippines Venus Raj stood out. With her almost chocolate colored skin and perfect body figure, I silently hoped that she will make it to the 15 finalists.

Then came the announcement of the top 15 finalists....

Here are the top 15 of the Miss Universe Pageant in order of announcement...


1. Ms. Puerto Rico

2. Ms. Ukraine

3. Ms. Mexico

4. Ms. Belgium

5. Ms. Ireland

6. Ms. South Africa

7. Ms. France

8. Ms. Australia

Halfway through and no Miss Philippines yet... Oh God please, please.... and then..

9. Ms. Jamaica

10. Ms. Russia

11. Ms. Albania

12. Ms. Columbia

13. Ms. Guatemala

Two slots remains but still no Miss Philippines, to think that you still have Venezuela, Dominican Republic, USA and other beauty pageant powerhouses...
14. Ms. Czech Republic

I was one of the millions of filipinos who jumped out of our seats when finally...

15. Ms. Philippines

The final 15 then competed and sashayed in their bikinis in the Swimwear Competition...

Here are the top 15 Finalist in their Swim Wear.... (in alphabetical order)

ALBANIA

AUSTRALIA

BELGIUM

CZECH REPUBLIC

COLUMBIA

FRANCE

GUATEMALA

IRELAND

JAMAICA

MEXICO

PHILIPPINES

PUERTO RICO

RUSSIA

SOUTH AFRICA

UKRAINE

Enough

I guess I'm finally saying goodbye....After a long and hardfought battle with myself, I have finally decided to say goodbye. No, not to blogging. I am saying goodbye to the one who caused my exhumation in the blogosphere.

I have always known that ours was the love that could never be. I am your "almost but not quite". You are my dream that I could never, completely have. However we tried we will never be enough for eah other. Something is always missing, something is always lacking.

So much of your lies, so much of your alibis. So much of our arguments, so much of our fights.  I guess I had enough..

Touch of Nothingness

Minsan may mga panahong gusto kong gumawa ng posts sa blog na ito  pero wala akong maisip na experience ko or anything worth writing. Kahit na anong piga ko sa utak ko dahil sa isang garapon na essence of chicken na nilaklak ko kahapon ay wala talagang lumalabas na thought sa utak ko kahit man lang tilaok o putak ng manok.

May mga araw din na feeling ko superfluous ang utak ko and I can write thousands of topic in a given day. Yung feeling mo Mr. know it all ka at pang best in interview ang condition ng utak mo na kakabugin mo ang lahat ng kandidata sa Miss Universe pag dumating na sa final question. Its that day when you wake up in the morning with a lot of happy memories you feel you want the rest of the world to know bu I end up writing not a single word oras na lumapag na ang aking mga daliri sa computer ko..

Siguro kailangan ko na talagang magbaon ng notebook para may I take note ako sa lahat ng mga thoughts na dumadaan sa utak ko, para kung dumating yung time na inspirado ka na uling magsulat ay titingnan mo na lang yung mga notes mo at presto pwede ka nang kumanta ng "Its all coming back, its all coming back to me now" ni Celine Dion. Siguro hindi na rin ganun ka fertile ang utak ko tulad ng dati ng nananalo ako sa mga Regional Press Conference sa Literary at Feature Writing Category.

Pero kung minsan nagpapasalamat din ako sa mga oras na bag down ang utak ko. Sa mga panahong inaabot ako ng katamaran sa pagsusulat. May mga oras na pinagsisishan ko ang mga naisulat ko especially yung mga "spur of the moment" articles ko. Ganun pa man kahit pinagsisihan ko ang ibang articles ko ay di ako kailanman nagbura o nagdelete kahit isa sa mga posts ko. Feeling ko isang napakalaking kasalanan yon.

Hindi ako gumagawa ng drafts ng mga blog ko. Lahat ng mga nasisulat ko dito ay direkta kong isinusulat sa blog na ito. Kaya wala akong chance para magbasa ng mga drafts at mamili kung alin ang dapat i post. Kaya masasabi kong lahat ng mga post dito ay puro "raw" o unedited.

May mga iilan na nakakabasa ng posts ko na natutuwa at may iilan din naman na otherwise ang reaction. Sa mga natutuwa, nagpapasalamat ako dahil kahit papano ay naapreciate ninyo ang blog na ito. Sa mga naiinis naman at masyadong destructive ang criticism, wag po kayong mag alala, bagito pa po ako at ang lahat ng mga criticism ninyo ay gagamitin ko para gumawa ng mas mahusay na posts. Iisa lang ang hinihingi ko sa inyong lahat, samahan nyo na lang ako sa aking paglalakbay at sa pagtahak ko sa buhay na pinili ko... Isang buhay na hindi man katanggap tanggap sa ilan pero ito ang buhay kung saan masaya ako, at malayang gumawa ng mga na nagpapasaya sa akin. At pangako ko po sa inyo na hanggat kaya ko ay ibabahagi ko po sa inyo ang buhay sa pamamagitan ng blog kong ito.

"Love me or hate me" lang naman po iyan. Kung ayaw nyo wag kayong magbasa para hindi ko masayang ang oras ninyo.

"When I write down my thoughts, they do not escape me. This action makes me remember my strength which I forget at all times."

The Gutsy Girlash

Hi! online ka ba?

Ito ang message na nabuksan ko sa fb account ko at may kasamang  request to be friends mula sa isang certain AG.  "Hu U?" yun lang naging sagot ko and  decided na iignore na lang kasi marami namang poser at manloloko sa fb, pero when I was about to delete the message, I instead clicked on the profile of the bilat and found out na we have two friends in common.

One was Ed, Mikos best friend and Miko himself.

Ahhh Ok, the bilat is not a poser, we really are connected after all. Because of this, I decided to accept her request. After a while, bigla na lang may nagpop na message, sa screen ko.

"Musta?" galing sa bilat.
"Sorry ha pero hirap akong maalala kung san tayo nagkita at nagkakilala" sagot ko naman.

Nagkita na daw kami minsan sa Poland sa binyagan kung san ninong ako.. Isa daw sya dun sa tatlong babae na kasa kasama ni Gerald ang ex ko...

"Ahhh okey!" sagot ko naman sabay apuhap ng itsu ng bilat sa mga babeng kasama nga ni Gerald.

Pero ang sumunod na sinabi nya ay talagang ikinawindang ko at muntik na akong magbackflip ng standing arabian

"Gf ako ni Miko at alam ko ang tungkol sa inyo". ang matigas na declaration nya. "Tigilan mo sya dahil di nya ako ipagpapalit sa iyo, pag di mo sya tinigilan, humanda ka sa akin." ang pananakot ng bilat.

Nag inhale - exhale muna ako, baka lumabas din ang pagiging warfreak ko at isa pa Miss Congeniality ang drama ko ngayon hehehe... "Sorry ha pero wala namang nabanggit na gf si Miko sa akin eh." ang mahinahon kong sagot.

"Eh P_ _ _ _ _   I _ _ ka pala eh pinakikiusapan ka ng maayos ayaw mo, baka gusto mong puntahan kita sa Iloilo at sampalin kita jan.." mura ng bilat.

Dito na nawala ang sash ng Miss Congeniality. Sa lahat ng ayaw ko ay yung mumurahin mo ko. Talagang maghahalo ang balat sa tinalupan pag na PI ako. Hindi ako lalaban ng murahan kasi feeling ko pang muchacha lang ang level na yan, I'll bring it to a higher level, kung di mo carry sorry ka na lang.

"Ineng baka di mo kilala ang kinakalaban mo, I dont want to pick up a fight with you but if you're asking for it, pinapaalalahanan kita, just bite what you can chew." ang pagtataray ko din.

"Tsaka pag pumunta ka dun baka paglapag pa lang ng paa mo sa lupa ay agad agad mo ding ibabalik kung san ka sumakay. Di kita tinatakot, sinasabi ko lang ang maaaring mangyari sa yo." dagdag ko pa.

"Yabang mo!" sagot ng bilat.

"Di pa ako nagyayabang nyan, do your research and malalaman mo na toto ang sinasabi ko, kaya kung ako sa yo easy ka lang, and besides ayokong nakikipag away dahil sa lalaki lang. Sa iyo na sya kung gusto mo. Isalaksak mo sa baga mo" ang sabi ko.

"Di ito ang venue to pick up a fight kung talagang matapang ka, pick a date, time and place, darating ako" pagtatapos ko.

Di na sumagot ang bilat. Pero in fairness may guts sya ha... Kaya lang she picked the wrong person para kataluhin, di ako magsisimula ng away dahil sa lalaki pero pag naapakan mo na ako talagang aaray ako...

Alam ko di dito magtatapos ang pagwawala ng bilat may karugtong pa ito... Dont worry i'll keep you updated sa kahihitnan ng gyera ko with Miko's bilat.

Miko in Manila

Nasa Manila si Miko ngayon.

Byernes nang umalis sya sa Poland para magtravel. Imbes na sa RO - RO sumakay tulad ng text nya sa akin, nag trucking sya. Kinuha muna ang diploma sa high school na matagal ding inamag sa desk ng teacher bago sumakay sa trucking.

Alas diyes ng gabi nung isang araw biglang nag text,
Miko: nasa Roxas na ako pasakay na ng barko...
MM: Roxas? di naman sa Roxas dumadaan ang trucking ah? Baka Aklan kamo?
Miko: Aklan pala. malalaki ang alon ngayon, malakas ang hangin.
MM: Pray ka lang.. tsaka di ka naman basta basta matetepok nyan dahil masamang damo ka..
Miko: Uy sobra ka naman
MM: Bakit? Hindi ba?
Miko: Hindi naman
MM: Sige ingat na lang jan, tulog pa me alas diyes na.
Miko: Sige tulog ka na muna, text kita bukas pagdating ko sa Maynila
MM: Ikaw bahala ka...
Miko: gudnyt

Di na ako sumagot... pero deep inside nagdarasal ako na sana maayos syang makarating sa Manila

My Solitary Confinement

You said sorry numerous times alright! But after what you did, what do you expect me to do? What do want me to feel? Rejoice, be happy and cry in joy because at last you've realized what you did was wrong, and I was devastated by it and accept your apology outright?

That would be ridiculously silly of me.  I will not easily embrace you and say "dont worry Honey, its alright". You know me more than anybody else. I dont run from a fight. I will not bat an eyelash if I am being abused. I will fight tooth for a tooth and eye for an eye.

 I am not the martyr you think I am. I want you to feel the same pain and hardships that I've been through. "Sorry" will never be enough to ease the pain of knowing that you cheated me. It will never be enough to bring me up again now that I've fallen too deep in a quagmire that you pushed me to.

After your harsh realization of the truth, and you asked for reconciliation, I refused to forgive you even if I can hear the sincerity in your voice in saying, "I am sorry".  Even if I can see the tear at the corner of your eyes when you said "I want you back", you wont see me running to your arms. You made several other attempts to express your regret, but they all proved futile. I wont budge... No, I wont..

But little did you know that through all of these I suffer more than you do. I suffer the most. I dont want to be hypocritical, but Yes, memories of deceit and distrust abound in the room, but they can never drown my feelings for you. But despite that, I engaged in my own battle of wills. The will of longing and the will of self preservation.. It went on for long that I got exhausted, very tired, very very tired.
Now I realized that I am tired of this self imposed exile. I fooled myself when I willingly entered the prison cell and chained myself. I fooled myself when I refused to  unlock the chains that encarcerated me even if the key is inside my pocket. I didn't walk out of the prison cell even if the door is wide open.
 

I am tired and I want to get out of this encarceration, I want to break free of these imaginary boundaries. I know that inside me is the key to liberation... Inside me is my freedom... The truth is, you're already forgiven even before you asked for it.

 

 

 

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."

Just got curious today!

I was surfing the net and found this site which helps aspiring writers to mprove their craft and analyzes ones writing style.

I was writing since college but I dont consider myself a good one. First, I dont have an excellent command of the english language since I am a technical person. Writing for me is an outlet. Here I can express my unspoken emotions, my frustrations and hang ups. It is my tranquilizer, it calms me when I am occupied with not so good feelings and it lifts me when I am feeling down. Second, I am not taking writing seriously because it takes a lot of my time. I have a full time and a very demanding job. Writing is only a past time for me.

But since I was already there, I decided to give it a try. Here's my result...

I write like
James Joyce

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

Naloka ako, di ko kilala si James Joyce. Kukonti lang kasi kilala kong writer. Nacurious na naman ako kaya bigla akong nagsearch sa Google kung sino si James Joyce at ito ang intro nya..

James Augustine Aloysius Joyce (2 February 1882 – 13 January 1941) was an Irish writer and poet, widely considered to be one of the most influential writers of the 20th century. Along with Marcel Proust, Virginia Woolf, and others, Joyce was a key figure in the development of the modernist novel. He is best known for his landmark novel Ulysses (1922). Other major works are the short-story collection Dubliners (1914), and the novels A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man (1916) and Finnegans Wake (1939).







Though most of Joyce's adult life was spent in continental Europe, his fictional universe does not extend much beyond Dublin and is populated largely by characters who closely resemble family members, enemies and friends from his time there; Ulysses in particular is set with precision in the real streets and alleyways of the city. Shortly after the publication of Ulysses he elucidated this preoccupation somewhat, saying, "For myself, I always write about Dublin, because if I can get to the heart of Dublin I can get to the heart of all the cities of the world. In the particular is contained the universal." [1]

I read through the article and at the end agreed with the comparison. We both write about family, friends and people around us.. I write about myself, Miko, my family and people around us.

My Life... My Story...

Every story has a beginning... Every story has an ending. Everything has a reason for existence. Everything has a story. Everybody have stories to tell.

Ako? pano nga ba ako naging ako?

This is how it all began, this is my story.

Maliit pa lang ako alam ko na na may iba sa pagkatao ko. apat na taon ako nang unang makita sa akin ng mga taong nakapaligid sa akin ang pagiging iba ko sa karaniwang batang lalaki na kasa ksama ko sa paglaki. Naging dahilan yon para tuksuhin ako ng mga nakapalibot sa akin. Bakla, bading at binabae were just some of the names I was called during my growing up years.

I dont know if those name calling really affected me at that tender age. All I know is that, I needed to play and enjoy. I was just a kid and being who I am is not taht much of an issue then.

My first confrontation with my real self came very early too. I was eleven years old then and was in grade five. As an honor student, I needed to go to Boys Scout encampment to stay on top of the class. You know those co - curricular activities churvah that count during ranking of honors.

I occupied a bed in the corner of the room next to a grade six cutie named Francis. He was the biggest kid in school and was already manly at the age of twelve. I was in a deep slumber when I felt somebody slept beside me in a very narrow folding bed. I did not mind it since I was used to sleeping with my brother at home. After a while he started kissing me and was whispering me to face him. I  was occupied with fear and confusion that time. I made myself ready to get up and ran outside to where our scout master was sleeping when he told me not to be afraid and assured me that I will enjoy it. The curious cat that I am, instead of getting up, slowly faced him and succumbed to his advances and so it happened. From then on, I would sneak from our house from time to time whenever Francis asked me to meet him in our meeting place since we were just next door neighbors.

Francis was my mentor, he taught me everything I know about sex. He taught me the ABC's of giving pleasure to another man. He was my first fuck, he was my first lay. At the age of fourteen, I was already advanced compared to others like me when it comes to sex. Thanks to Francis' patience in teaching me everything I needed to know.

Despite my advance knowledge and experiences on earthly pleasures, still it didn't occured to me that I am from the opposite side of masculinity. I was having female crushes then and girls find me attractive in school. I received a number of loveletters from them which resulted to having my first girlfriend at age 15. Suddenly all the lessons that Francis taught me was thrown out of my mind. I was transformed into another sex starved, hot blooded teenager who would want to insert his thingie to the next available hole.

It is hard to believe, but my first love was a girl. We just transferred to our new home and I saw this very cute girl named Jing. She was a next door neighbor too. She was intelligent, pretty and very sexy that i found it a struggle just to stop looking at her when we are talking with each other. We eventually separated when we found out that we are second degree cousins. She was sent to Manila for college and also to stay away from me. The separation caused me to resort to drinking. I was just seventeen then.

Then one time when i was again too drunk to say no to temptations, my best friend and drinking buddy Rogel started initiating things. Suddenly all my memories from Francis were restored. Rogel was so surprised that I was very good at the act when he thought all along that I was straight. I confessed to my best friend that I am not what he thinks I am. He accepted me for who I am and our friendship started to develop into something much deeper. We kept our relationship from everybody. He can freely sleep over in my room since he was a constant visitor but in the middle of the night when everybody were already in their deepest slumber, we would be awake and were letting each other feel our love and adulation for each other.

It was then that I decided to be me, to be who I am now. I was happier with him than with the girls i used to lay. Everytime we were together, I was wishing that time would go very slow or that moment would never end. We were forced to separate when I graduated in college and I decided to relocate to Manila to find a job. Rogel and I never had a closure... He was my first real love...

Even now, everytime I go home, I would be looking for him, after the meet and greet with my family. Yes we still are drinking buddies but we dont and up anymore with the things we used to do. He now has a girlfriend, my female best friend and she knows our past. We sometimes make fun of it, but it doesn't affect our friendship and their relationship.

Now that I have fully explored myself, know what I really want, where did I come from and at peace with myself, I am asking myself a question. Where is my my story heading? I can't see clearly an ending to my story. For now, I am quite happy being who I am and have fully accepted that I will live my older years alone. but who knows what's the ending to my story?...

Do you know?

So Many Questions

So many questions but the answers are so few
All I really know is, I love you
So many questions but the answers are so few
All I really know is, I love you
                                 So Many Questions (Side A)


What if you're caught between your heart and your head?
What if your head says Stop while your heart is saying Go?
What would you heed?
What would you follow?

Will you choose to be right and be unhappy?
Or will you choose to be wrong, be happy and in the end be unhappy ?
In love, there are a lot of options...
You will choose one over a lot of others eventually,
But you need to stand up and be firm in your choice.

Why do some people end up bitter and remorseful?
And why some end up unhappy but without regrets?
Maybe it is how you choose your option.
You can never have it all, to be right, happy and unregretful.

How do I make mine?
Which option I will elect?
Which will I heed?
Which will I follow?

Its an ordeal, but its an ordeal I need to go through..
I will be the one to suffer the consequences.
I will be the one to choose the option.
I alone will be solely responsible...

And...

Hi Miko it's me MM... musta ka na?